You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
