Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
