please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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