my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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