His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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