I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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