Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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