he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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