Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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