No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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