I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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