Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
