Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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