I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
