I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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