Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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