Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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