Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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