They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
