just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Damn victory sex feels great
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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