The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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