my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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