I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's great music for shaving your balls
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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