You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
