Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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