Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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