Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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