Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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