we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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