I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
