About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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