In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
