she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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