Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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