you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
