The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
