$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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