1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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