the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
