I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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