He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
