I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
