At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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