I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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