What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
