I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
