You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
