I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
