Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
