Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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