Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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