I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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