So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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