Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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