Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
