Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
