things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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