Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
