I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
