I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
